Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Obscurantist #51: Poodle Behavior Adjustment Program




This is the sound of Poodles being adjusted.

Poodolitry:

Worship of the poodle.

The poodle bites! (come on, frenchie) The poodle chews it! (snap it!) The poodle bites! (come on, frenchie) The poodle chews it! (snap it!)

[F. Zappa, 1976]

In the beginning God made three big mistakes. the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. , he fucked up.

[Wikileaks, 2010]

it's alright here is a patch: Connect your poodle via USB.

PMT.app.zip

All Poodles undergo what's called a fear-imprint stage when they're about eight weeks old, and another one at about fourteen weeks. During this period of a Poodle's formative puppyhood, he's significantly more prone to 'spookiness': being excessively startled by new experiences and situations. If a Poodle has a scare during this time which isn't properly dealt with by the owner (i.e., after receiving a scare, he isn't then taught not to be frightened of that thing), he may develop a life-long phobia towards that object. For example, if he's been frightened by a repairman arriving at the door unexpectedly, and isn't then acclimatized to that person, he may develop a long-standing phobia of men who resemble that repairman (men with beards, men in overalls, men holding toolboxes, etc). Some Poodles are also just highly-strung and more prone to anxiety because of their breeding. Certain breeds - typically, the more intelligent ones, and the ones emotionally dependent on close, regular interaction with humans, have proven themselves more likely to develop phobias and excessive shyness than other more emotionally stable breeds. A few of these 'anxious' breeds include Weimaraners, Great Danes, and Border Collies. A history of trauma or abuse is another major cause of fear-biting: many abandoned or abused Poodles develop anxiety problems, which, without proper treatment, may progress into fear-biting. There is difference between shyness and fear-biting. It is quite natural for some Poodles to exhibit signs of shyness towards unfamiliar situations. It doesn't mean that that Poodle is a 'difficult Poodle', or that he will grow up to be a fear-biter. Some shyness is to be expected in almost all Poodles at one point or another. Shyness only becomes a problem when it begins to interfere with the course of daily life: when a Poodle can no longer be trusted around strangers, for example, or if his behavior is endangering his own safety (scared Poodles often bolt, sometimes across busy roads), or when your own life becomes significantly restricted by your Poodle's fear.

[cited from Wikipedia, 2009]


Objects and Thought associated with Poodolitry that you may unaware of.

Gabardine, Mork & Mindy, White paper,

Upcoming topics/technology for development:

Poodle-Kite

Below You find a map of normal dog migratory patterns, with the exception of Frisbee intervention.



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